Back in March, my resolution for the month was to go makeup free. Not counting my all-around eyeliner days in middle school, I’ve never really worn a lot of makeup. I didn’t think going without for a month would be an issue. Boy was I wrong! It took several weeks to look in the mirror or see pics of me and be okay, even happy, with what I saw. Over the month of March, I had a change of heart. When April came around, I found I didn’t want to put any makeup back on. Same for May. And June. And July. And now August. It was only recently that I was able to put my finger on why I couldn’t bring myself to go back to my regular makeup routine.
To me, makeup had become a mask to hide behind. Like biting sarcasm when I was younger, wearing makeup had become a way of appearing to be okay and put together and keep anyone from getting too close. I may not always brush my hair, and sometimes my clothes don’t match, but I had makeup on. I was recently reminded of a bold prayer I prayed at the end of last summer: to become vulnerable in order to forge deeper relationships. I wanted God to pull away my insecurities, but I never imagined it would come in this form. Going “bare” at first was hard because I was saying “Here I am. This is me. Nothing to hide behind.” It’s terrifying, because it’s so easy to be hurt that way. But it’s also so so easy to be blessed. (More in another post soon).
To clarify a few things however, I feel the need to answer some questions.
Will I ever put makeup back on? Regularly? I’m not sure. I have worn it a few times, for a wedding and my birthday celebrations.
Do I think makeup is a bad thing? NO! It only became a mask and crutch for me, and this is how I’m dealing with insecurities and how God is stripping away my idols. I would love to have an ongoing conversation about this, so please let me know if you have any thoughts or questions!